So I let myself simmer down. Then I invited my bestest friend around for a cup of char and a pot of laugh-filled bitching. Once girls, work and the world at large had taken a bit of a bashing, I felt better.
And after explaining, at length, how bribing people without putting a bid in on eBay doesn't work I've decided to chronicle trials and tribulations of the day.
I was shouted at earlier, which is something I'm used to. The Charge Nurse was annoyed that I'd undermined their orders. Whereas I was concerned with the four beds I was looking after (this Charge Nurse had asked me to care for them, after all), the Charge Nurse was looking at things from a more global level. It was a stern telling off, but I'm pretty thick skinned. It wasn't a lot more fuel to the funeral pyre of my foul mood.
What was surprising is that the Charge Nurse apologised not once, but twice! The first one seemed like a bit of an afterthought, like when someone bumps into you in the street and apologises, despite the fact they knew they would anyway. The second time seemed more heartfelt. The Charge Nurse told me I was wrong, but there was no need to respond to me as they did. I don't think I was wrong, but perhaps they had a more realistic set of priorities. And I perhaps shouldn't have undermined their orders, but, as I told them, I was being obtuse and standing up for my patients. And I'd do it again.
What made me more upset was further evidence of my skill stagnation (I'm aware it's a bit rich to talk about this as a first year, but it's a problem). I got to change a dressing today, and people endeavoured to try and make me feel quite stupid in the process. A common theme on this ward. The bottom line is: this is the first dressing I've done in three months, so I'm totally out of practice. And without practice, I can't learn anymore or at least get back to my previous stupendous level.
This is a recurring problem on this ward, and makes me feel quite excited to get off of it. With no new skills to be learned, I'm just going through the motions. And just talking about that edges me back to the previous foulness. So I'm going to stop.
Test - Just a test.
9 months ago