What I stand for

If I was on Question Time, which (if only for the chance to really ram my fist down some middle-class throats) God-willing I will be, one day, I would be one of those independent guys who have very little responsibility, or very few fuckwits to look after. I'd be out on my own, and wouldn't have to worry that one of my minions might have said something that could bite me on the arse mid-programme.

You know the type. They come away from the show rather well, because they never have to take an awkward stand on tough issues. I'd be like that. But I'd probably stand awkwardly sometimes, because it's quite fun.

I stand for the little guy. The Asian guy in Wakefield who runs that Grocery store who remembers which football team I support and lets me pay him 10p tomorrow. Tiny bands who watch you dancing to their tunes and so drop their t-shirt prices. What else?

I stand for individualism. For people making their own look, and not giving a shit what the fascist-ion industry says.

On that note I stand for self-respect and confidence. For girls who buy Cosmo to laugh at the bollocks it prints.

I like chaos, if only for the fact it really shakes things up.

I don't actually stand for much. Freedom, yes. Liberty, sure. They're nice ideas. I like them. But then you come to the tricky concept of Justice. Freedom can't exist inside of bureaucracy, you ask me. But I'd rather live in a completely free society than one with rules to keep us safe. Sometimes I really like the idea of survival of the fittest, and natural selection (not in the way Hitler did). Might have something to do with my relgion (which I'll try not to talk about). If people are stupid enough to fall for something, a big part of me wants to clap the con-man on the back for knowing the people would. Utter freedom... Ho ho. It'd be manic, people might not live long, but fuck me it'd be fun.

So, I stand for freedom. But I don't think that works. So, in place of freedom, I stand for a charismatic dictatorship. I'd live under some semi-liked guy who had power to push through those awkward decisions than in this joke of a democracy we live in now.

That links neatly into what I stand against. I stand against this constitutional monarchy of ours. It's a bit rubbish, isn't it? Let's be honest. Political Parties and MPs get away with bare-faced lies (Patricia "I-Saved-Rover-Now-I'll-Save-The-NHS" Hewitt, as neatly fisked by: Mr Eugenides and, because we can only vote every four years (and even then a lot of our votes don't actually count) who can blame people for not caring? And then obviously these lame-dicked MPs go on to either serve in the House of Lords or, if they're not rich enough to go there, get some cushy directors job on some mega-corporation (if they didn't have some Executive Directorship there already). Find me an MP who gives a solitary shit about something other than cash, and I might change my opinion.

- Case in point, of course, the George "General Grievous" Galloway, who was offended, angered almost, at the idea of him living on a 'Worker's Wage' as an MP.

I stand against consumerism. I hate it, in all it's forms. And I hate how hypocritical I am where it's concerned. I'm typing on an iMac, wear some branded clothes and ate in Pizza Hut yesterday. But I think that's the crux of what I'm saying. How possible is it to live without feeding some horrible Capitalist machine? I try to keep my feeding sessions short and sweet, and the thing that helps me feel good every day is the knowledge that if everyone fed the machine as little as I do, the machine wouldn't be as all-powerful.

I stand against what money does to the world. Every time I'm stung 3 squid for a pint, or 60 squid for a train ticket because someone CAN. I despise the fact that I live in a country where the government sold of the railways to shareholders who lease their trains from bankers, therefore giving the poor passengers shots from both barrels.

I stand against corporations. Their uniforms, their promotional material and their "customer service".

Recently I stand against roll-over Internet ads, made by companies who are able to invade personal space at a new, horrible level [compared to the level Banksy speaks about]. I miss my PC, if only for AdMuncher.

Anything else?